Swimsuit season can come with a lot of pressure and insecurity because, long story short, the world tells us we are suppose to look like Barbie and we don't. We know this. The part that really gets me is: No one really talks about it. Yes, we make casual comments. Even my husband will occasionally say "swimsuit season's around the corner, babe" maybe because he chose to eat a carrot that day. But can you imagine? You and your friend are laying by the pool and she's like "do you watch parenthood?" and you say "I do watch it actually, but listen.. I can't stop thinking about how fat I am." Who's ready for that poolside? We may read articles or even books about loving our bodies, but we are so shameful we aren't talking about it even to the people we trust the most. We treat the unwanted anxiety and insecurity about being in a swimsuit like it's not there or it's powerless. And both are false.

Every year I'm more aware of the freedom I have from that pressure to look perfect in my swimsuit. In college, my roommates and I may or may not have tacked our swimsuits to the wall in the kitchen for motivational purposes. Thank you, Lord, for freedom! Don't get me wrong, the pressure is still there for me because, like you, through media I see airbrushed bodies and tons of pictures of people who are paid to look seemingly perfect. And sadly, pressure to be perfect will always be on this side of heaven. We're exposed to "perfection" every day and if we are spared one day because we went on a media fast.. no worries.. the picture of perfection is burned in our brains. But we have hope.

Our hope

I decided to ask one of my friends "what comes to mind when you thing of swimsuit season?" Her honest reply relays the greatest message.

ME: What comes to mind when you think of swimsuit season? Do you hate it? Love it? How do you feel about it?
HER: Umm.. I use to love it. But now I don't. I sort of dread it.
ME: Why?
HER: Well I use to be smaller and I liked the way I looked in a swimsuit, but now that I've gained weight I try to avoid ever having to wear one.
ME: Are you doing anything about that?
*Okay, this seems like an insensitive question, but this girl knows the truth. SHE KNOWS. She sugar coats nothing and it's extremely refreshing.
HER: Nope.
ME: Well, don't you think you need to?
HER: Yes (with a reluctant smile)
ME: What do you think you need to do?

Get ready for the gold...

Her: I've learned the more I fall in love with God, the more I trust Him. The more I trust Him, the more I believe Him when he tells me I'm beautiful. If someone I don't really know very well tells me I'm beautiful I'm like 'Cool, but I don't really know you.' It means less. Once I believe His truth, then I can receive it.

Ah yes, the answer is simple. Fall in love with God. I knew her response was the remedy to our anxiety and insecurity. When she said this I felt lighter and a sense of relief. Matthew 11:30 "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light". It can be that simple: the more we know Him, the more we trust Him. When we trust Him, we believe what He says about us.

Here's the thing:

Knowing God thinks you're beautiful doesn't make you skinny.

the ravine

I am so thankful for this truth: The more we know God, the more we can trust Him when He tells us in His word we don't have to look like a swimsuit model. But this truth does not change my physical appearance. It doesn't change the fact that, by the world's standards, we could be more attractive if we lost a few pounds, firmed up, had thicker hair...

With that being said, I see a gap. I'm missing something. Freedom for me looks like being completely confident in this body that God gave me. I feel like I'm on one side of a ravine and freedom is on the other side. AND THERE'S NO BRIDGE. There's no way for me to get to the other side. If I tell you I'm not satisfied with my body and you tell me "but the Lord says you're his most beautiful creation". I want to say.. that's SO nice, but that doesn't make me love my body. In my mind, the bridge from me to that truth has been broken.

That bridge was broken when sin entered the world.

So I asked God.. How do you want me to get over there? Should I build a bridge? Give me a step-by-step process on how to get to the other side. And then I realized..

I have to jump!

If there was a bridge, we wouldn't need faith. The bridge would look like a safe, detailed to-do list of "how to love your body" that we could do in our own power. If there was a bridge there for us we could tote all of our "false ideas of freedom" to the other side. When we jump, we can't carry those. We have to leave them behind. We have to surrender everything.

False Ideas of Freedom

If I looked like a swimsuit model, I could be happy.
If I lost just about __ lbs. I would love my body.
If my boobs could be a little bigger, I would feel beautiful.

It feels scary letting go of our normal thought pattern or how we normally handle something. There's certain "security" we want to have before we trust and jump. But it doesn't work like that. This decision is about choosing to not be consumed by trying to conform to the world. We have to ask ourselves: Do we really want freedom from being overtaken by our thoughts and self destruction, or do we want to keep doing it our way? For me, choosing to let go of my idea of beauty looks risky because I feel like I'll let myself go or I’ll be justifying something, and I won't be beautiful to the world. This is where I have to jump. I have to know the truth of my worth and how my God loves me. And when I take my worth out of the hands of the world and place it in the hands of my Savior, everything changes.

Loving your body does come with responsibility. But this is good news! The more you love it the more you'll want to take care of it. Knowing and believing our body is a gift will fuel a healthy desire to take care of it, feed it better, exercise it, and speak lovingly about it.

So really, our best option is to accept the fact that we aren't going to feel like trusting God in this area.

But for freedom's sake, JUMP!